Hello Lwildwood,
Please check out the information in the following link, and ensure Screen Time is set up correctly, so we can make sure there aren't any issues there: Set up Screen Time for a family member on iPhone
Set downtime and app limits on a family member’s device
1. On your family member’s device, go to Settings
> Screen Time.
2. Tap Turn On Screen Time, tap Continue, then tap This is My Child’s iPhone.
3. To schedule downtime for your family member (time away from the screen), enter the start and end times, then tap Set Downtime.
4. To set limits for categories of apps you want to manage for your family member (for example, Games or Social Networking), select the categories.
5. To see all the categories, tap Show All Categories.
6. Tap Set, enter an amount of time, then tap Set App Limit.
7. Tap Continue, then enter a Screen Time passcode for managing your family member’s Screen Time settings.
Note: You can also turn on downtime on demand for a family member, either directly on their device, or through Family Sharing on your device (if you’ve set up Family Sharing).
If your child requests more screen time, you can approve or decline the request in Settings > Screen Time or in Messages.
You also mentioned an issue updating; can you let us know more about that? For example is the option to update missing, unable to be selected, or something else? Please let us know, as that will help us plan how to proceed.
Thank you.