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Set up the Apple TV Remote on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

The Apple TV (4th generation or later) should be straight-forward to pair with, as described, if both devices are already on the same home network. Else you need a real remote to do that first (or use ethernet).

The Apple TV (3rd generation) needs a functional remote to set up the Apple TV Remote widget in Control Center.

For the Apple TV (3rd generation), your options are:

• buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum);
• temporarily borrow an Apple Remote (aluminum) to help set up the software remote;
• restore the Apple TV and connect a wireless keyboard to help set up the software remote;
• restore the Apple TV and connect the CiderTV Mac app to help set up the software remote.

The Apple TV (2nd generation) is not compatible with the Apple TV Remote widget in Control Center.

For the Apple TV (2nd generation), your option is:

• buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum).

What is your model Apple TV? Identify your Apple TV model - Apple Support

What is your model iPhone and version iOS? Find the software version on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod - Apple Support

Both devices need to be on the same network for the software remote to work, meaning that for Wi-Fi connection, you’ll need a functional physical remote to at least do the network setup. If you can’t borrow such remote temporarily, then you’ll have to buy a replacement remote.