You can both have access but you must both be in the same family group.
Set up parental controls with Family Sharing on iPhone --> Set up parental controls with Family Sharing on iPhone - Apple Support
As for your 11 year old:
Move a child to another group using Family Sharing - Move a child to another group using Family Sharing - Apple Support - "You can't remove a child under 13 years old from your family group, but you can move them to another group or delete their account."
Note, however, there are limits as to how frequently you can change families.
Sometimes problems arise with settings needing refreshing:
- Try signing out of accounts and back in again.
- Restarting is a simple step that can resolve many unexpected behaviors.
If a problem persists, particularly over several days, try contacting Apple for assistance:
Click here --> Choose your country or region - Official Apple Support Select your country, then a product. If you don't see one that handles your issue then keep experimenting with selections until you reach one that gets you a chat session or a telephone call and get the representative to redirect you.
or:
"See a list of Apple phone numbers around the world."
Click here --> Contact Apple for support and service - Apple Support
If you have comments then please send them to Apple. The people replying here are simply other users like yourself and we can only guide people to documents about what Apple says.