I have a small wrist. 5.5”. I have not been able to find if the apple se 41mm watch will fit my wrist

I looked at the Apple Sport Band and Sport Loop bands on the online store as examples, and I expect other styles to be similar. The bands for 41mm cases are listed as fitting wrists 130-200mm. You say your wrist is 5.5" = 140mm so you can be pretty confident it will be a good choice.

My wrist is 6” and I use the Sports Loop. I have another 2” of adjustment tighter.

This is my normal size (6”):

This is as tight as it will go: