Hi SSDS22,
welcome to this Apple (user-to-user) Community.
Re: "My songs which I paid for are disappearing from my playlist. They go gray and says not available in my country even though they are still on my husbands playlist. This is so poor on Apples part. I did a long chat with a service person from Apple and they don’t NEED to do anything, you just pay and it’s gone."
Sorry to hear about the difficulty you are experiencing with your song purchases.
You can: View your purchase history for the App Store and other Apple media services - Apple Support
Seems it is up to us to download and back-up our own files, and media purchases, for safe-keeping. Many of us are used to keeping our own files safe ... it is good practice in anything to do with technology, and we have many tools at hand. Eg: Transfer files between your iPad and other devices - Apple Support
Some items do tend to come and go in regard to availability ... Apple isn't always the one who makes an item available, or withdraws it ... someone owns the media rights ... you may have saved a valuable file to a zip drive ?
If needed: Apple support provides articles that can guide us.
Eg:
"Any digital media you buy from Apple can be permanently downloaded on to an iPhone, iPad, Mac, or Windows PC." See: About purchasing movies, TV shows, music, books, and ringtones from Apple - Apple Support
Eg: says:
" Once downloaded, you can access content without an internet connection,
and Apple can’t remove it from your device."
If you use iCloud: You can: Archive or make copies of the information you store in iCloud - Apple Support
If needed: How to back up your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch - Apple Support
or
How to: Locate backups of your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch - Apple Support
More Music info. / support etc: Music - Official Apple Support
All the best :-)