iPhone 11 passcode. How can I reset it or get around it without losing information in the phone

I am so sorry for your loss. You can’t recover the passcode, however, if she synced or backed up the phone to her computer or to iCloud you can request access to her Apple ID/iCloud account. See→How to request access to a deceased family member's Apple accounts - Apple Support

See the information here, How to request access to a deceased family member's Apple accounts - Apple Support However, understand it is very difficult, and without the passcode the only way to enter the device is to wipe it. Apple does not have access to the passcode, so you may not be able to get access to the content unless she was regularly backing it up to iCloud.

Sorry for your loss.