what is a reliable program to stop spam in messages and email

Check here if this help - > see this Apple articles below: 

Block phone numbers, contacts, and emails on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch

Block phone numbers, contacts, and emails on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

Block unwanted callers in FaceTime on iPhone

Block unwanted callers in FaceTime on iPhone – Apple Support (UK)

Myfriendhelp0340 wrote:

how do l stop spam in messages and in emails?

There is no stopping it, you'll have to block the sender.