Might not have been fully clear. I read those pages prior to posting. I set the 'fn' key to make the F1-F12 keys appear and removed everything else before I posted my original message.
The biggest issue in attempting that workaround was this: that meant I have to use another finger to hit keybindings with function keys in them. On further reflection, I realized that, actually, I need to rebind those keys anyways because I can't touch type with the touch bar even if I got it less sensitive.
But I did find that there's actually an accessibility option that's closer to what I was looking for:
Zoom in on the Touch Bar
https://support.apple.com/guide/mac-help/zoom-in-on-the-touch-bar-mchl090bb3ee/10.15/mac/10.15
It annoyingly pops up, but doesn't perform the action I fat fingered when I brush the bar. It requires extra steps to actually use it, but that's your call to make the tradeoff.
So, there are a couple work arounds for this issue. I've got a setup that fixes my issue (turn it off as far as is possible), but the semi-functional work arounds might assist someone else who'd like to have the soft keys for their workflow.
As to feedback... I'm disinclined. It's one of those things... I'm neither the first nor the loudest person to bump my head on this and reading a bit, it seems the most they've done is add the escape key back. I think it's as good as they're going to get it and it just wasn't designed for touch typing hand commands.