shared family calendar wont sync between family phones
Double and triple checked settings - sharing option is on for both phones. Doesn’t matter which calendar I publish to, it won’t sync to my wife’s iPhone calendar.
Share iCloud calendars on iPhone
In the Calendar app 
, you can share an iCloud calendar with other iCloud users. When you share a calendar, others can see it, and you can let them add or change events. You can also share a read-only version that anyone can view but not change.
Create an iCloud calendar
- Tap Calendars at the bottom of the screen.
- Tap Add Calendar.
- Tap Add Calendar, enter a name for the new calendar, then tap Done.
- If iCloud isn’t your default calendar, tap Accounts, then tap iCloud. See Change calendar and event settings on iPhone.
Share an iCloud calendar
You can choose to share a calendar with one or more people in iCloud. Those you invite receive an invitation to join the calendar.
- Tap Calendars at the bottom of the screen.
- Tap
next to the iCloud calendar you want to share. - Tap Add Person, then enter a name or email address, or tap
to browse your contacts. - Note: Your contacts must have an email address to share an iCloud calendar. See Add and use contact information on iPhone.
- Tap Add, then tap Done.
Change a person’s access to a shared calendar
After you invite a person to share your calendar, you can turn on or off their ability to edit the calendar, or stop sharing the calendar with that person.
- Tap Calendars, tap next to the shared calendar, then tap the person’s name.
- Do any of the following:
- Turn Allow Editing on or off.
- Tap Stop Sharing.
Turn off notifications for shared calendars
When someone modifies a calendar you’re sharing, you’re notified of the change. You can turn off notifications, if you don’t want to receive them.
- Go to Settings
> Notifications > Calendar > Customize Notifications. - Turn off Shared Calendar Changes.
Share a read-only calendar with anyone
- Tap Calendars, then tap next to the iCloud calendar you want to share.
- Turn on Public Calendar, then tap Share Link to copy or send the URL for your calendar.
- Choose a method for sending the URL—Messages, Mail, and so on.
Anyone you send the URL to can use it to subscribe to the calendar using a compatible app, such as Calendar for macOS.
Delete a calendar
- Tap Calendars at the bottom of the screen.
- Tap next to the iCloud calendar you want to delete.
- Tap Delete Calendar at the bottom of the list.