Why can't I erase a 4TB solid state drive (SSD)

If it works perfectly on your son's Windows, it is likely formatted for Windows.

Using Disk Utility, format the drive, at the device level, for your Mac.

All data on the drive will be erased during formatting.

Perhaps it is the enclosure, drive dock, or USB to SATA Adapter being used. macOS Monterey is known to have compatibility with some third party devices and their controllers (especially an older USB controller). Also make sure to disconnect all other devices from the Mac in case one of them is interfering (many users reported issues with Wacom tablets and some external drives as one example).

Try booting the Mac into Safe Mode to see if you have the same problem. If this works, then maybe you have some third party software installed which is interfering with the normal operation of macOS (anti-virus apps, cleaning apps, and third party security software are the usual culprits, but anything providing a device driver could cause problems too).

To add to @BobTheFisherman's advice make sure to use Disk Utility to erase the drive as GUID partition and the file system of choice. Use exFAT if you want to share the drive with Windows (if the drive is formatted using Windows, then the file allocation size used may not be compatible with macOS). If you only want to use the drive with macOS, then use MacOS Extended (Journaled) to be compatible with older versions of macOS. APFS is also an option if only being used with macOS 10.13+, but APFS is a newer file system which tends to develop issues which First Aid is unable to repair which necessitates the need to completely erase the drive & restoring from a backup. Definitely avoid using NTFS as that requires a third party driver if you wish to write to the NTFS volume -- relying on a third party driver may cause problems when macOS is updated causing you to temporarily lose access to the NTFS volume until the issue is resolved -- it took several months the last time with Monterey).